Helicopter Parents

(Please read Exodus 2:1-10 in your favorite version of the Bible.  I refer to the NIV in the following article.)

Parenting requires trusting God with our children.

“This rather funny expression is actually relatively new.  [The term] ‘Helicopter parents’ was formally born in 1990 by Jim Fay (professional consultant in the areas of parenting and school discipline) and Foster W. Cline (psychiatrist) in their work “Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility.”  The term is primarily associated with overengaged, overconcerned and overprotective parents of older children, typically college students or even young adults.

“These overprotective parents take on a role of problem solver and door opener at the critical age when their children are about to healthily sever the umbilical cord and make their first real independent step into the world as their own person.

1) They Fight Their Children’s Battles! They will argue what they perceive to be unfair treatment in social and academic situations.

2) They Do Their Children’s Academic Projects! They will take on their children’s school projects, complete their homework, and even write college entrance essays.

3) They Mistake their Children’s Performances for Their Own Identity. They are embarrassed by their children’s failures because they feel they reflect poorly on themselves.

4) They Equate Love w/ Success & Accomplishment. Approval is given for expected behavior and disobedience is questioned because it makes the parents look bad and puts the children at risk.

5) An Extreme Focus on Maintaining Tight Control. They are preoccupied and sometimes even obsessed with their children’s activities and schedules.

6) They are Overprotective. These parents fear for their children’s safety to such an extent create a buffer between their children and the real world.

“Children that have been too sheltered from basic interaction with life and its consequences may feel overly frustrated in the face of any obstacles, crying for help at the slightest challenge, and struggle emotionally with disappointments having trouble dealing constructively with them.

“[Helicoptered children] are unfamiliar with the basic meaning of responsibility. They haven’t become acquainted with the natural relation between cause and effect.”

<Retrieved from http://www.positive-parenting-ally.com/helicopter-parents.html on 5/4/16.>

It’s ironic that helicopter parenting produces exactly the kind of person the parent hopes to avoid.

I mention this phenomenon because it is a behavior wholly in contradiction with the kind of parenting God wants us to give.  On Mother’s Day, one of the Bible’s most potent examples of motherhood is the woman who threw her baby in the river!  Let’s take a look at Exodus 1&2.

  1. Pharaoh’s evil ambitions threatened God’s people.

Like all bullies, Pharaoh’s actions were based on fear; fear of the Hebrews (1:8-11).  This new king DID NOT KNOW all that Joseph had done to save Egypt from famine, so he felt no debt of gratitude toward the Hebrews.  He was frightened by the fact that the Hebrews outnumbered the Egyptians.  And, whether they ever gave him reason to be afraid or not, Pharaoh feared that this great mass of people within their borders might one day betray them to an invading enemy.

His first action was to enslave them (1:12-14).  To me, there is no logic in this step.  If your aim is to keep the Hebrews from working against you, enslaving them gives them a strong motive for betrayal that they didn’t have before.  But fear doesn’t lend itself to logic.  Perhaps Pharaoh thought if he kept the Hebrews oppressed and beat down, they would not dare to stand against Egypt.

Verse twelve tells us this plan backfired: the more the Hebrews were oppressed, the more they increased.  The more their number grew, the more the Egyptians USED THEM RUTHLESSLY.  This is a viscous circle that made life worse for both Egyptians and Hebrews.  Pharaoh’s plan failed.

When “Plan A” didn’t work, Pharaoh’s next action was equally brutal; he wanted to use murder to reduce their male population (1:15-21).  This at least has some – albeit evil – logic behind it. Males would be considered more likely revolt and physically more able to force a rebellion.  Without one-half of the reproductive partnership, the numbers of the Hebrews would begin to decline with the next generation.  The brutality of killing innocent babies would warn and depress the Hebrew people, making them less likely to revolt.

What is illogical is Pharaoh’s attempt to get the Hebrew midwives to do his dirty work for him.  There’s no reason given in the text as to why he thought he could bully the midwives into killing their own patients.

It is clear that the midwives FEARED GOD more than Pharaoh and chose to disobey his direct order.  They let the Hebrew boys live.  When Pharaoh questioned them, they offered a plausible-sounding lie.

Notice God’s blessing of their decision in vs. 20+21; He increased the Hebrew population further and rewarded the midwives with children of their own.

When “Plan B” didn’t work, Pharaoh’s “Plan C” was to toss the baby boys into the Nile (1:22).  That’s where we join up with our passage and Moses’ mom, Yocheved.

  1. Moses’ mom chose a better way. (2:1-6)

Yocheved faced a difficult choice; obey Pharaoh and toss her boy into the Nile or disobey Pharaoh and risk his wrath.  This is a perfect example of what I’m always telling my Bible study groups: “When faced with an either/or decision, ask, ‘Why not both/and?’”

Yocheved came to a “both/and” kind of solution to the problem; she BOTH threw Moses in the Nile AND kept him alive!  There is no other good explanation of the odd act of Moses’ mom making a baby boat and setting it adrift.  I believe that Yocheved acted in faith and with intelligence.  She sought a third way, found it, and acted upon it.  The results speak for themselves.

Jewish culture especially prized clever people who find a good third choice when presented with two equally bad choices. We saw this last year in Genesis 39 in the way Tamar dealt with Judah.

We have to wonder why Pharaoh thought “Plan C” would work.  Why throw them in the Nile?  Consider Egyptian faith and culture.  The Nile was the religious and economic center of their lives; it was a god.  So throwing the baby boys into the Nile was a kind of “publicity stunt,” a demonstration of the superior power of the Egyptian gods.  The male Hebrew children would be seen as offerings to the Egyptian gods, a sign of the subjugation and humiliation of the slaves before their overlords.

Notice that Yocheved’s act was used by God to advance His plan.  The bitty baby barge floated right down to where Pharaoh’s daughter was bathing.  Even though she recognized the child as a Hebrew boy, she FELT SORRY FOR HIM and immediately took the child as her own.

No matter how you attempt to explain or excuse it, Pharaoh’s actions were evil.  If the Hebrew midwives had not been faithful and courageous, Pharaoh would’ve had his genocide.

  1. God blessed her choice. (2:7-10)

God worked in such a way that not only did Yocheved kept her baby alive, but she received him back into her home AND Pharaoh paid her to raise him! Moses’ sister Miriam was on hand, having followed Moses down the Nile.  She saw opportunity and hurriedly interjected herself into the situation.  “SHALL I GO AND GET ONE OF THE HEBREW WOMEN TO NURSE THE BABY FOR YOU?” she asked.  At the command of Pharaoh’s daughter, she went back down the Nile to her mother with the good news; Moses was not only spared, but his mother was hired to be his wet nurse!

This is yet another example of God turning evil into good.  One might say that Yocheved and Miriam planned all this, but the account makes more sense to me as Yocheved finding a way to obey both God and Pharaoh.  She committed her child to the river as an act of faith, not knowing where he would end up.  In this way, she is forever a symbol of the way parents must trust God for their children, committing them to His care and keeping.

A couple years ago a lady named Karen Friend wrote an article entitled “You Might Be a Helicopter Parent If…”

  • When you ask your husband where he wants to meet up for happy hour, he knows you’re asking which playground.
  • At 18 months, your kid can’t say her own name yet, but she can clearly enunciate, “helicopter.”
  • The daycare start sending YOU checks.
  • When asked, your 20-month-old indicates that squirrels, monkeys, and mommies all are likely to be found hiding in trees.
  • None of your work clothes are free of crayon, chalk, or finger paint.
  • You are filling out college applications for class of 2030.
  • Your hugs have been recalled by the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission.
  • You’re filling out his graduate school applications. For 2032.
  • There are two channels on your television, and even those are blocked 23.5 hours per day.

<Retrieved from http://www.parentsociety.com/parenting/todays-family/you-might-be-a-helicopter-parent-if/ on 5/6/16.>

The topic of family has long been a political football, a point of focus in the so-called American “culture wars.”  Have you wondered why family is such an important topic?

Undoubtedly, there are lots of sentimental and social reasons we have such high hopes for the family.  But it occurred to me this week that we are eager to celebrate motherhood and claim family in many different forms because all of us have a deep-seated need to belong.  We need and want to group together.  Whether we gather as a posse, gang, support group, political party, or family, we want to come together with other people like us.

I think it’s because we want to be accepted.  We have been created with the need for others to love us and for us to love one another.

Combine that with what we have learned from the example of Yocheved today and we see that the highest purpose, the most pure ambition we can have for families is to help one another mature spiritually.  We make growth happen by letting go of our illusions of control, surrendering to God and His leadership.

God has promised to do more than we ask or think possible.  We will have personal experience of His abundant supply to the degree that we place our trust in Him.  We can’t “helicopter” anyone into a deeper walk with God.  Instead, we need to stand alongside and watch God go to work!

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